Sophie

I don't know...anything?

 

If this is a time, when all the hard stuff, goes even worse. Or if this is the time, where things will happen to show me the truth, show me what i have to know.

I have always said that i'm one of few people that take no second for granted. That i take care of every minut, taking care of the life like not everybody does. But i'm a liar. For a long time ago, i closed the door to happiness and life. I was hiding behind the walls, and let no one in. Even if i liked the person, even if the person was one of the nearest to my heart. I couldn't... i'd just couldn't let them see me like this. Broken inside and out. I felt alone. Stupied .
Why did my life went out like this? Why couldn't i be the one with the "better life". No... i was born to fight for a life, i even don't know exist for me. I DON'T KNOW if life is to for away from me.

If i'm suppose to die soon. Very soon... Why didn't i do that for a long time ago? Why didn't i die when i wanted it the most. If it's going to happend, why can't i be happy for the first time...

I'm sad. My soul is broken, my heart is crying. Where am i? Where am i suppose to be?
Did i fight for nothing all these years? i don't know. How could i know ...

I'm not going to giving up. But i hope, that i can finally a beautiful day, live the life i wanted whole my life.
Everything i know about, is the bad life. So i said goodbye to people i loved. Cause they deserved to be with a person, that's happy and maybe i said goodbye to all those lovely people, so i could die alone, when i wanted to.
So i wasn't have to tell them the truth about the life i was living.

I can't say goodbye anymore.
Plz... let me be free. But let me live free.
Not be free by dying.

/ Sophie*